Don’t take my word for it. Try the National Audit Office, which looked at the country’s looming water crisis two years ago and concluded: “Unless more concerted action is taken now, parts of southern and south-east England will run out of water within the next 20 years. » And it’s not just London – the same report warned that water shortages are an imminent risk for the whole of the UK. Then there is John Armitt, the chairman of the National Infrastructure Commission, who just this week told the Guardian that the government’s approach to keeping our nation’s taps running amounted to little more than “keeping [its] fingers crossed.” And the public accounts committee, which reprimanded the government for allowing water companies in England to leak more than 3 billion liters of water a day from their poorly maintained, inadequate, creaking network of pipes. How on earth did we ever get to a position where England is looking at a water deficit of 4 billion liters a day by 2050? And while I’m thinking about it, can someone please explain to me why over the last two years we’ve allowed water companies to spend almost 6 million hours on 775,704 separate occasions dumping sewage into England’s rivers? It is an act of environmental destruction of such magnitude that not a single river in the country is currently listed as having “good” overall environmental health. Every river is polluted and one of the biggest sources of pollution? The water industry. I’m afraid that what you’re seeing right now is just the physical manifestation of 30 years of underinvestment, 30 years of regulatory failure, 30 years of mismanagement, all topped off with 30 years of political vacuum, no oversight and no control. Rather obscenely, at the same time, regulators allowed water companies to pay out more than £72 billion in dividends to shareholders, while loading companies with more than £50 billion in debt and paying £58 million to the chief executives of the twelve biggest water companies just in the last three years. So what should be done? On a personal note, it is time for the environment secretary, George Eustice, to start behaving like the environment secretary. You see, Eustice, Ofwat and the Environment Agency between them have the ability to fix this in England with nothing more than the stroke of a pen. Ofwat, for example, by simply issuing an “executive order” is immediately given the power to fine a water company anything up to 10% of its annual turnover for non-compliance with its directives. Would losing 10% of annual turnover, I wonder, help to gather some minds in the boardroom? I suspect it would be. It is also time to hold the directors of water companies personally and collectively liable under the Companies Act for the disastrous effects these companies’ operations have on the environment. But there is another side to this. We, as users, will have to redefine and completely reshape our relationship with water. On average in the UK we use around 142 liters per person per day. This is almost double the use of the Baltic countries where people use between 61 and 77 liters per day. If you live in Hertfordshire, that averages out to 174 liters a day and most, if not all, comes from the chalk aquifer, the underground reservoir that should be feeding our chalk streams. Rarer than coral reefs, around 85% of the world’s total supply of these miraculous, wonderful rivers is found in the south of England and we’re killing them every single one. Hertfordshire’s chalk streams are drying up and parts of the rivers Ivel, Ver, Ash, Rib, Quin and Beane are no longer rivers of world-renowned distinction, but have been reduced to nothing more than grassy ditches that cut through the open countryside. It may come as no surprise that over the last few months I have had many invitations from water company CEOs to meet with them, drink tea, hang out as adults, think about water company environmental, social and governance policies. I had the occasional invitation to visit a sewage treatment project – what fun. I have denied everything. In my world, there are only two issues facing the water industry and the nation right now: water supply and water quality. In my opinion, if your annual salary is in the multiple millions and your shareholders are collecting annual dividends measured in the billions, you should be able to create a plan that addresses both of these issues. Just show me the plan, show me the strategy, do your job. Worryingly, behind those words, the craziest of earworms bores into my mind. Currently, some are predicting another dry winter like last year. If that happens, we’ll be in serious trouble by 2023. Politicians could decide which factory gets water and which doesn’t, which farmer irrigates his crops and who doesn’t, and we might find ourselves waiting in a line, bucket and pot in hand, for our standpipe turn. If this is the result and you happen to see me in line, come say hello. If you are a water company executive, I like my tea with milk, no sugar, please.
